His eyes were hazel.
Cas shreds the grey and brown pieces of grass between his fingers, winter having robbed them of their brilliant green. He wipes his hands on his worn out jeans, effectively staining them with streaks of dirt, and stands up.
Dean sits next to Cas outside on the hood of the Impala. ‘I used to do this with Sammy.’ Cas smiles gently and looks up at the night sky, pretending he isn’t aware of Dean’s eyes on him. He gives up pretending, he turns to meet Dean’s gaze and can feel Dean’s breath on his face, his lips part and he looks deeply into hazel eyes.
The rusted doorknob creakes as Cas makes his way back inside. He lets his fingers linger on the pillow next to him as he slides under the covers, too aware of just how big the bed really is. His eyes are half-lidded as he takes in a deep breath; it’s musky, dark and damp and it fills him with dark water and smoke.
Dean smiles, a flash of white teeth contrast against tan skin and wet lips. His eyes crinkle and Cas feels himself smile back. Dean’s arms are wrapped around Castiel’s lithe frame and his hands are warm. Cas bites his lip gently, catching Dean’s eye and they kiss lazily with the light of the morning sun peering in through the nearby window, casting a warm beam across the two of their bodies, and their eyes are luminous and bright. Azure and hazel.
Cas shivers, the cold wind seeping through the threadbare covers and into his bones, sucking out the very marrow. There’s no point in starting up the fire again, he hasn’t been warm for a very long time. Cas’ breath hitches and he sits up slowly, rolling his shoulders, and his joints and bones creak as they rub harshly against each other. He raises his eyes slowly to the window, and all he can see is grey. He stands up and pulls on an old coat over his clothes and steps outside. He’s barefoot.
Dean leans on his side next to Cas, thumb tracing over his jaw, their bare toes rubbing against the warm earth and Cas places a dandelion in Dean’s hair, earning him a scowl and a rough kiss, Dean’s stubble rubbing against his cheek. They laugh softly.
The snow has transitioned into ice and Cas has lost feeling in his feet over an hour ago. He trudges along, his tears half frozen on his face. He moves along, trying so hard not to think. He finally comes to a stop and the sky is a dark grey, giving no hint of the time of day. Cas wonders how long it’s been since he’s seen the sun. He licks his frost-bitten lips, and hums a slow and dark melody. The one that’s been haunting him for longer than he cares to remember.
Dean’s face is calm and inviting as he pulls Cas with him into the water. It’s cooler than the hot summer sun, but it feels good on his skin, and he trusts Dean, so he leans into the touch, allowing Dean to pull him in deeper waters where his toes come off the lake bottom when tries to keep his head up out of the murky water. Dean has a hand on him though, and says nothing. He smiles and it’s pure sunshine.
Cas makes his way over to the frozen water. His feet are completely numb now, and he sits down, letting the blood soak through the snow and ice and pool down into the dead grass and dirt. He pulls the brown leather tighter around himself. He can’t feel anything anymore, it’s the sentiment it provides rather than any physical comfort. Cas lets the tears roll down his face now, knowing they will fall into the ice and he imagines the cold and the earth consuming him, his flesh, his blood, his tears, and his anguish. He laughs once, voice hoarse and eyes sad, his lips cracked open, and then he sits and tries to remember the sun.
There’s nothing left come summer. Nothing but an old leather coat and dandelions.
